Anyone here in a happy marriage? What is the best advice you can pass on?

Thanks :) Im thinking of getting married. My bf is controlling, but probabley thats because he really loves me? Any tips :) thanks!Anyone here in a happy marriage? What is the best advice you can pass on?
You need more advice than I can put on these pages. Check out my source.Anyone here in a happy marriage? What is the best advice you can pass on?
Controlling doesn't equal love at all - it leads to abuse. My advice - END the relationship before you wind up being in an abusive situation.
If your bf is controlling then you don't need to get married. No one should control you and it will get worse.
Controlling does not equal love. My advice to you is don't marry this person. It gets worse and not better.
Controlling does NOT equal loving...I was in a controlling relationship, it took me 4 years to realize that I needed to get out before it got worse, if that was possible.
The best tip I can give you is to consider leaving him since a secure, loving relationship will never be had with a man who is even the least bit controlling. It's not because he loves you that he's controlling...it's because he's manipulative, jealous and insecure. That is no way to start out any relationship. Good luck
Oh boy.....wait one year at least and see if he is still trying to control you. If he is then move on. A possessive man is a dangerous thing.
you are already headed for trouble!
Yea





I have a tip





Don't do it!!!





Stay single longer x
Are you controlling as well?
breaking from these other answerers I have to ask: there's a difference between controlling and abusive, so which is it? If he's abusive with it then I don't really need to say much.





If he's controlling as in, ';I want the toilet paper over hand not under hand';, you just need to decide if you love him enough to deal with it.
You silly girl..your BF is controlling because he is insecure. If you Marry him trust me it will only GET WORSE!!! Think about it
you better be careful of the controlling men...hope he keeps that under control. anyway, to answer your question, i believe that total communication, honesty and trust create a solid foundation to begin.





i suggest, however, that you both go to couples counseling/marriage counseling before you even set a date. if you're already complaining, there will be issues.





good luck.
Yes I am and my best advice is to put your spouse first, I do this, my wife does this, hence nobody is pushed to the side and made to feel unappreciated.





And by the way, love is never about control. That's a red flag. Could turn into abuse, be careful.
I had a couple things to list when I read the title, but now that I've seen the question, I have a new #1. And that is: Marriage is about celebrating your differences, not using them to exploit the other partner.





You're not off to a good start, and you'll never see a definition of ';love'; that includes the word ';control';.
Married to a wonderful woman for 31 years.


we are both very happy.





for guys...learn this phrase, ';yes dear, I know, it was my fault, I am so sorry';





For girls.....';yes';
Don't go to sleep angry.


Say I love you a lot.


Surprise every once in a while by being romantic.
Without knowing anything about your situation I would offer these tips:





1) Go through a marriage training seminar before getting married. Psychologists have a great battery of tests that help you identify possible issues, then the expert will discuss it with you before you get married. It is great for getting a conversation going about issues before they become problems. Losts of stuff you never thought of that can turn into big problems later,for example, expectations with inlaws.





2) Read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. A cliche, but has some simple insights worth taking home. The book will teach you that men and women have fundamentally different ways of looking at problems, and it helps to be aware of that.





3) Make sure you both stay healthy and fit. Will reduce stress, keeps energy in the marriage, and helps you avoid health related finance issues when you are older





4) Keep your finances as simple as possible. Never borrow money for consumption, credit cards a big no no. Borrow money only for investments, and ideally it is investments that bring in money with the same frequency as your payments to the bank. Education counts as an investment. A HOUSE DOES NOT! If you plan to live in the house you buy, then buying the house is consumption. Also stay away from contractual payments when you can. Get in the habit of using pay-as-you-go plans for phones for example. This sounds radical and unconventional, but given high divorce rates, unconventional advice is exactly what you need. Finance is the biggest cause of divorce, and life in Western countries temps us make our lives as financially complicated as possible. With credit cards and mortgage payments, it is very easy to feel ';trapped'; in a marriage.
Do not marry him! RUN!





One of my special friends from high-school married a really controlling asshole because she thought she could deal with it and things would get better - she divorced him after a year and even then tried to make it work for another year!





If you're religious, it basically takes the touch of God to change him.


If you're not, it takes a monumental amount of introspection and self-dedication to change and as long as he's 'getting what he wants' he'll never change.
wow.





1st: you're thinking of getting married??? did he propose? or are you just thinking that you want to and that'll happen.


2nd: you're boyfriend isn't controlling because he loves you, he's controlling because he has little or no respect for you and considers you to be beneath him.





Sounds to me like you're going to make the two worst mistakes:





1.) getting married because it's something to do. you don't get married because you want a wedding and you think it'll be fun to play house. you get married because you love someone and you want to express to them that you'll stay with them for the rest of your life. good or bad.





2.) not knowing that you're obviously in an abusive relationship (maybe not physically, but definitely mentally), and justifying your boyfriends actions for him. if he's controlling, then he doesn't consider you an equal, and neither do you. what right does he have to be controlling? can you not make decisions on your own? this will end up being the demise of your marriage (if you don't get some self esteem and dump this looser) because if he doesn't consider you an equal he'll have no problem leaving you when he's done with you.
Control and love are not equal. Not at all in fact. If he is trying to control you he is not respecting you and he certainly does not love you. He loves the image in his head of what you should be and his self esteem and confidence is not existent. Only a person with low self esteem is controlling.


My ex was controlling It hurt me He took away my self esteem to build his by controlling me. It was destructive and emotionally very abusive.





I am now in a happy marriage. Neither of us is controlling. We are supportive of each others dreams and wants and needs. We give each other room and we give space. We give freedom to fly to great heights and are proud of what heights the other achieves. We know that together we can reach much higher than either of us could alone


We know we can fall back on each other He's always there for me No matter what I never have to hold back Nor ever have feared his response or felt I had to tiptoe as I feared his control of disapproval.


He will tell me if something does not sound as the best of ideas but he will not try to stop me.





The best advice I can give you is not to ignore your inner voice. If you feel at all inhibited in discussing and communications with your bf then do not get married. You'd be building your own prison
Our church requires premarital classes before marriage, and one thing that stuck w/ me that they said was any problems you have before marriage will multiply by 10 afterwards. That was 17 years ago and it is so true. If you think he is a little controlling now, just you wait......The man you choose to spend your life with should make you feel independent and strong and proud of yourself. Never compromise.
We have been married for 60 years and from day one I have been the controlling one . That is until one day I realized she was controlling me . Make jokes about it , laugh about it . Our marriage has been give and take , I give and she takes . Above all , be secure in your marriage and let some things pass .